Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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