I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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