why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
