watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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