my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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