Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
