I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
