Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
