my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm having to shit out rocks
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
