I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
