Too much gin, very little bucket
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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