i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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