Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
