Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
