I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
