just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
