the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
