Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
