remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
