i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
