honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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