last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've blown a few things in my day
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
