what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
