he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
