we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
