I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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