i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you had me at cake vodka
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
