Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
