you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
