can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
