well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
