had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
