he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
