I smell stomach acid.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
