Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
