I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
