who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Shame is for Republicans.
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