My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
