well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I deserve this hangover.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
