Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it was like eating out sand paper
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
