did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
