When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
