is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
