my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
