I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
