and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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