Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is it penis luge time yet?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
