it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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