their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
