I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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