if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
