I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
