we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
did i walk over a car last night?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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