Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
