Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
