Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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